1st place in Derby #103: Outer Space, with 942 votes!

There are things out there that are so impossible to explain, that mankind has given them no name. Well, okay, they’re not that impossible to explain, it’s just that mankind is lazy. No, lazy is a loaded word, mankind is just focused in different directions.

For example, the finding things guys are only qualified to find things. The union says they get paid double if they start thinking up names and nobody’s gonna pay them double. Then the naming guys have four weeks vacation, and they have to take it all at once, so the office closes for one month a year. That means you get a backlog. And don’t even get started on the data entry guys who have to put the new names into the system. Two words: minimum wage.

Mankind works really hard to keep track of everything. But a few things are bound to fall through the cracks now and then. And to those things are given the name… monster. Because that’s the default the programmer put into the database. He was like six guys ago, too, so no one remembers how to change it. It’s just easier to work around it anyway. Oh, hey, time for our mandated two hour break!

Wear this shirt: if your name is Allen. Ridley Scott can’t sue us for talking about how scary Allen was. In fact, the first time we saw Allen we screamed and ran away!

Don’t wear this shirt: in space. In space, no one can hear you scream. Also no one can hear you burp, or fart, or crank up the iPod. Whatever you wanna do, you can do it in space. It don’t even matter up there.

This shirt tells the world: “Aw, yeah. You want my eggs. You all want my eggs.”

We call this color: SPOILERS: Everyone Dies At The End Except For Heather Gray And The Ship’s Cat

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