2nd Place in Derby #370: Adorable, with 262 votes!
Oh hey. Didn’t see you standing there. I’m Jeff. You may be familiar with the legends about my kind. Most magical foxes are pretty special, like my older brother Dave. Dave, who's just soooo perfect. Oh, I’m Dave and I’ve got nine freakin’ tails I’m sooooo awesome and all the vixens think I’m super hot…
Anyway, I’ve tried to do the enchanted-trickster-fox thing. I couldn't seem to get it right. Like, once I was supposed to possess a lady and make her go insane, but I just ended up giving her terrible gas. (If you’re out there, Trudy, sorry about that. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think that date was going very well anyway.)
I didn’t give up on the trickster gig. I figured instead of possessing somebody, I’d do the shapeshifting thing. I tried to become a human, but I got something wrong and just turned into a corn cob with a fluffy tail.
After a while, I decided I’d try to be a friendly kitsune instead. I thought maybe I could be a messenger of great fortune. So I manifested in front of this dude and gave him an enchanted scroll and said, “I have a message of momentous importance” all ominously and stuff. The guy opened the note - he was trembling and excited and everything - but it just turned out to be a grocery list. He seemed pretty annoyed, but he did thank me for reminding him to pick up Parmesan because his wife was making spaghetti that night.
Anyway, I guess if you’re ever out there alone and you need cheese guidance, maybe think about 'Ol Jeff the Magic Fox. You can find me in the produce aisle. I'll be the hairy corn cob.