Well, it was inevitable. We're creating a video game. We’ve narrowed the list of potential sidekicks to the following candidates. Please select your favorite or provide your own suggestion. Incidentally, we're not really creating a video game. We just needed a way to introduce this list and solicit engagement.
-A puppy possessing all the wisdom of the ages but zero control of its bladder. You’re in charge of cleaning up after your puppy.
-A sassy shrimp. By the way, your character suffers from a terrible shellfish allergy.
-A pigmy hippopotamus that dispenses crucial advice but only speaks German.
-A sentient carrot that offers loads of great advice but assails you with insults whenever you make a mistake.
-A peanut! By the way, your character suffers from a terrible nut allergy.
-A tortoise with no understanding of urgency.
-A giant nuclear egg.
-A shelf from Ikea that you must assemble every time you wish to consult.
-A friendly stick that has all the answers, provided your questions are of a stick-related matter. By the way, your character suffers from a terrible stick allergy. Also, the game takes place in outer space.
-A drunk ear of corn.