First Crisis
Oh, man, I can’t believe I FINALLY get to see the Shakespearverse as it was intended.
I told them WS had a grand five year plan all along! It was just the stupid suits at the Globe who kept interfering with his vision. It never fails either, just like they did to Whedon and Moffat and Babylon 5: Crusade. But I’ve got the proof! I’m staring right at it! And boy, this is gonna crack open the Internet once and for all!
As far as I can tell, this script is set in between Act II and Act IV of Hamlet. Hamlet decides to step out of the castle for a bit, you know, to find more evidence that Claudius killed his father? And he takes his buddy Yorick with him, except only Hamlet can see him. Maybe it’s a ghost and maybe it’s magic, you know? We’re not sure yet! So Hamlet’s ship is caught in this mysteeeeerious storm, and winds up off the coast of Scotland, where it sinks. Hamlet swims to shore and falls asleep, and when he wakes up, he’s in this lovely meadow with the craziest people! One’s even part donkey! And they can all see Yorick! So we’re thinking “Wow, this has to be a dream, right?” Only it’s not a dream. It’s a magical land ruled by the Witches Three, and they’ve trapped Ophelia’s soul between worlds. We find out Ophelia was able to learn how to use some of the magic to summon Hamlet to her, except she wasn’t trying to summon Hamlet, she was trying to summon Yorick! And now Hamlet has to come to terms with knowing Ophelia’s in love with his best friend while still puzzling out how to defeat the Witches Three with the help of his new sidekick Puck! Of course, they can’t, and Hamlet’s about to give in, when all of a sudden Prospero kicks in the door and casts a mighty spell from his Staff of Wonders. The Witches Three are beaten back and Hamlet goes to free Ophelia from the time-lock, but he makes a mistake and suddenly… he’s gone! Back to the past! In the court of Richard III!
I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I will tell you that it turns out Prospero also knew Richard III and, well, maybe he wasn’t always called “Prospero” for his whole life. Anyway, Ophelia goes back to the castle with Prospero and they make a Hamlet android and finish just as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern walk in from that little fanfic Tom Stoppard wrote. Don’t you hate when people who aren’t affiliated interfere with the canon? You ask me, that just plain should be illegal. It destroys the creator’s true vision. Oh, I almost forgot, the play ends with the resurrection of Romeo and Juliet. Which probably means there’s a sequel just waiting to be rediscovered!
Wear this shirt: and then learn who all the characters are. Someone’s gonna ask what’s going on.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you think this is concept art from some unproduced Sid and Marty Krofft show.
This shirt tells the world: “Wait… this shirt isn’t about Tennessee Williams?”
We call this color: The Royal Blue Shakespeare Company Presents: Excerpts From The Bard
It takes a while to clean up the ring after a face-off like this, so be aware all Poe vs Shakespeare items will not ship until February 15th.
Design Placement: Centered
Design Size:
3X – S: 12.05” x 19.04”
WXL - WS: 9.04” x 14.28”
K12 - K4: 7.59” x 12.00”
Pantone Color(s): 3375C – 2708C – 631C – 7530C – 518C – Black
Please check our before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.
