3rd place in Derby #217: Hipster Animals, with 881 votes!

Personally, I’m sick of all these button-down mainstreamers giving me static about my scarf. “It’s September,” they say. “It’s basically still summer,” they say. “You can’t possibly be cold,” they say. “Look, there’s sweat beading on your lips,” they say. “What’s wrong in your brain that makes a cheesy, affected fashion accessory seem more important to you than your physical comfort?”

Affected? Pshuh! “Dude,” I always want to say (before deciding to just sneer at them with silent disdain instead), “35% of the surface area of my body is neck. A scarf is essential for maintaining my core body temperature, OK?”

That’s right. Scarf life, y’all. Recognize.

On days when I wear a keffiyeh, though, that’s totally affectation, I’ll give you that.

Wear this shirt: while standing in the very front at the show, spoiling any chance the short girls might have had to get a peek at Josiah Johnson.

Don’t wear this shirt: past October 8th or 9th, when it will be appallingly out of mode, earning you the scorn and mockery of your peers, unless you wait until November 11th or 12th, when it will come back in again, and earn you their admiration and envy.

This shirt tells the world: “Yes, in fact, it is hard to shoegaze from all the way up here.”

We call this color: Asphalt, You’ve Probably Never Heard Of It

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