Who cleans up your messes? Me, ol’ Todd Bagely, that’s who.

No! Don’t worry about a thing! Keep running around, blasting these portals into everything! No harm in that, right? Well, none for you, but for me – ol’ Todd Bagely, the lone janitor here at Aperture Science – it means a whole day a wheeling around my quantum mop and bucket, sealing up all those holes you left behind.

Sure, I know you’re just “trying to survive,” but so am I! All I want is to work my eight hours so that I can make enough money to pay my bills and spoil my grandkids. But eight hours, that’s outta the question with the way these rooms are laid out. I mean, what crackpot architect builds a bunch of rooms with pits and such in em? It’s crazy!

And then there’s the portals themselves. I get so wrapped up in my work sometimes that I slip through ‘em without noticing; then I’m all set to check a room off my list when I realize I’ve only done half, but I’ve cleaned up the portal and now I’ve got to make a new one just to get back to the other side, which basically means starting over. And at that rate, I’ll be lucky to get home in time to eat dinner while it’s still lukewarm.

But no, don’t you worry about ol’ Todd Bagely. Not one bit! You got yourself to take care of after all!

Wear this shirt: your class on quantum physics.

Don’t wear this shirt: to bring-your-daughter-to-work day.

This shirt tells the world: “If you think I’m going to clean up after you all day, well then you can go to Chell.”

We call this color: asphalt to the other side.

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