Come on, boy, roll over! Good! Now do Secret Handshake! Good boy!

So you got my message. Thank goodness. Okay, put this on and listen close, okay? There’s a secret about this shirt they don’t want you to know about and it’s important that you…

What do you mean who’s “they”? Dude, who do you think I’m talking about? Yes, the “Shadow Government” and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t roll your eyes when you said it. Now listen, I didn’t ask you to drive out to this overpass for nothing, but I can’t tell you anything until you’ve got that hat on properly. Just mold it to your head, dude, seriously! You act like it’s not made of tin foil or something. Ok, are you ready? Because the secret I’m about to tell you concerning this shirt is…

STOP HUMMING THAT SONG FROM THE SIMPSONS AND LISTEN. What is with… Ooooooooh. I see what this is. They finally got to you, didn’t they? This was your plan all along, wasn’t it? Lure me out of hiding again and then hold me until your masters come? You TRAITOR. Fine, then. Maybe you’ve stopped me, but you can’t hide the truth forever!

Hey, uh, do you mind giving me a ride back to my place before your masters get here? My car ran out of gas about a block away. Thanks, man.

Wear this shirt: and laugh like you’ve got something to hide when someone mentions any Masonic connection.

Don’t wear this shirt: without your square and compass.

This shirt asks the world: “Who will help the widow’s pup?”

We call this color: New Kelly Green Order 

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