"Marty? What was that thump on the front porch?"

"Nothing, Julia. Go back to bed."

"Marty, I'm worried. What was that?"

"I said it's nothing. I'll take care of it."

"Is that a CAT?! MARTY, WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"I'M TAKING CARE OF IT, JULIA."

"I can't take this any more, Marty! The late nights, the secrets, the constant need to leave town in the dead of the night, it's all too much!"

"You know when we got together I was a made man, Julia. It's just a cat wrapped up in some Christmas lights. Looks frozen solid. Probably the Sugar Plum Family sending a message."

"WHAT'S THE MESSAGE, MARTY?! SOMEONE THREW A FROZEN CAT BUNDLED IN LIGHTS AT OUR HOUSE! WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT?!"

Wear this shirt: To the Christmas dinner you host for your cats.

Don't wear this shirt: If your cats are still upset about Christmas stealing most of its traditions from pagan festivals.

This shirt tells the world: "The holidays are a really lonely time for me."

We call this color: I saw Reddy kissing Santa Claus.

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