1st place in Derby #94: Air, with 1213 votes!

GREIGEVILLE - Residents are still reeling from the multichromatic devastation unleashed here by a tornado of color early Friday morning.

Rated an F5 on the intensity scale, the tornado descended upon the taupe and cream streets with it a garishly vivid horror rarely seen in the area.

“This has always been a nice, neutral-toned kind of town,” said local egg farmer Buff Ecru, 57. “I’d never even heard of ‘cyan’.

“I wish to hell I still hadn’t.”

The town’s main street, Ivory Boulevard, was virtually unrecognizable in the wake of the storm, its pale storefront facades a brilliant chaos of color. A handwritten sign posted Friday on a popular local restaurant, the Clamshell, read CLOSED FOR DECOLORIZATION. At this point, nobody can say exactly when the Clamshell will resume serving its signature vanilla-and-marshmallow milkshakes. But residents had larger worries.

“The Elks Hall is magenta,” Ecru continued, clearly shaken. “Think about that: magenta. Who ever heard of a magenta elk? It’s wrong.”

City officials vowed to begin cleanup immediately and salvage as much of the town’s historic drabness as possible. But whatever happens, one thing is certain: life here will never look the same again.

Wear this shirt: to reassure everybody in the basement with you that tornadoes can be fun.

Don’t wear this shirt: and try to make jokes about how you’re a colored person.

This shirt tells the world: “Cy-y-y-yan…over you…”

We call this color: White Is Too A Color

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