1st place in Derby #187: Retro Audio: Records, Tapes, and CDs, with 886 votes!

Here at Ray’s Last Minute Marketing, we know how frustrating it can be to have to come up with more than one idea. After all, you just spent all that time on the first idea! Millions of dollars are lost every year just because some uppity customers want something new.

That’s why you need us!

We’re experts at adding last-minute, superfluous details to “reinvent” your product! Double your inventory! Reinvigorate sagging brands! Generate buzz among disenfranchised customers! How do we do it? With our patented secret “they’ll never notice” technology!

Racing stripes! Lightning bolts! Sunglasses! We can add literally any small item to make it seem as if it’s not the exact same thing you did before or worse, some crummy old thing you had lying around that suddenly needed a minor detail to sort of relate to current events or a contest you’re in or something.

Call now! Operators are standing by!

Wear this shirt: On the days when the other shirt that’s exactly like it is in the wash.

Don’t wear this shirt: While blaming us for the failures of the democratic process.

This shirt tells the world: “Haters gonna hate.”

We call this color: Black for more

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