It’s good to hear you voice, Woodso. It’s been a long time.

SMOKEMAN: Look, you’ve done some damage here, the park rangers don’t want anymore trouble. That’s why I’ve come. I want to come in there and fly you the heck out, just you and me. How’s that sound?

WOODSO: Where’d you come from, sir?

SMOKEMAN: Yosemite.

WOODSO: I tried to get in touch with you, but the guys in Yosemite never knew where to find you.

SMOKEMAN: You know I haven’t been spending a lot of time there lately. They’ve got me down in Yellowstone. I’m shining a fire lookout tower with my butt.

WOODSO: I wish I was in Yosemite now.

SMOKEMAN: We’ll talk about that when you come in to the visitor’s center.

WOODSO: I can’t do that, sir.

SMOKEMAN: Look, Woodso, we can’t have you running around out there killing friendly park patrons!

WOODSO: THERE ARE NO FRIENDLY PARK PATRONS! There wouldn’t even be any trouble if it hadn’t been for that stupid park ranger. All I wanted was to stop pollution, but they kept pushing me, sir.

SMOKEMAN: Well you did some pushing of your own, Woodso.

WOODSO: They threw first litter, Smokey. They threw first litter.

Wear this shirt: on a camping trip! Invite all your friends!

Don’t wear this shirt: if everyone on your camping trip was killed by a guy in an owl suit and now you can’t see the forest for the BLOOD ALL THE BLOOD DRIPPING FROM EVERY LEAF OF EVERY TREE OH GOD WHY WAS I LEFT ALIVE WHY!

This shirt tells the world: “In the city or in the woods, help keep America looking good or taste the pointy vengeance of nature!

We call this color: Wanted: Dead Or Olive

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