Distilled Water Will Extend The Life Of Your Iron
2nd place in Derby #113: Harvest, with 1177 votes!
So this guy comes in, and he’s got like twenty mouths and a hundred squiggly arms and he’s from one of those dimensions that go for 100k a month, right, and he’s all “where are my souls” and I’m like “hey, if you don’t have a ticket, you don’t have any souls” and he’s like “they’re Pre-Sumerian and bound to my worship” and I’m like “I don’t care what they are, you don’t have a ticket, I’m not giving you a damn thing” and so he gets my manager, and my manager backs me, for once, right? And then the guy leaves.
So then, about an epoch later, he comes back in and slams the ticket down on the counter like he’s won some major interdimensional war, you know, and I’m like “good for you, squiggles", although I can’t say that, and I get his souls, and he’s like “get me your manager.” and I’m all like “what’s wrong?” and he’s like “i said get me your manager” and so I do, and it turns out the guy asked for the button up corrupt souls to be ironed, which isn’t even my job, that goth chick who reads comic books all day is supposed to handle that, but now it’s either take care of it or get devoured, because he’s apparently some kind of big shot devourer or something, and so I have to work another two hours getting his souls all flat, and the whole time he’s just standing there grinning this… well, not really a grin, because he didn’t really have teeth, but his mouth arms were really smugly placed.
I tell you, I gotta look into going back to college.
Wear this shirt: if you’re hot and flat. OHMYGOD that came out SO wrong! We totally didn’t mean it that way, we weren’t even looking at your- well, okay we’re looking now, obviously, but that’s just because we’re trying to apologize for how we said you were- when you’re clearly the exact opposite of- you know what, maybe we’ll just move on.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re that poster who thinks we make sex jokes too much. Really, we have no idea what you’re talking about, sir or madam. We’re pure as virgin snow.
This shirt tells the world: “Death Be Not Wrinkly”
We call this color: Navy Neck
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