We’re Already Looking Into A Toy Licensing Deal
It was supposed to be a simple worldwide boy band tour. The Kids
From The New Block and The Interstate Boys, together at last. A million
uteri synching as one in adoration. Tickets sold out in less than a
But then, tragedy. The plane went down over Egypt.
Trapped in the desert, Ronnie and Dan used their knowledge of geography
to lead their friends through the desert. When the sandstorm got too
rough, they ran towards the ancient pyramid that appeared as though by
magic! Inside, the singers found a glowing blue crystal. When Dustin
touched it, it released a strange energy that turned them all into
The Wolf with his cunning! The Gorilla with
his ferocity! The Lion with his charm! The T-Rex with his intimidation!
The Lesser Wooded Vole with his steady supply of plague fleas! These
powers and more went to the young singers, who instantly pledged to use
them for good since they were already rich and had tons of women.
the tour continues, and fans everywhere line up again and again. But
any time the evil of Dr. Von Pussycat and the Army Of Puppykeets show
their adorable paws, the singers spring into action… as ROAR!
This shirt was designed by: Mathjis Vissers a.k.a. Dementedhero.
He has a great future in movie posters if the animalsploitation genre
ever comes back. You can do your part by buying a pound of catnip and
filming the results.
Wear this shirt: when
you go to bars. Predators make good breeding stock. Even vegans know
this. You say “wow, I never considered going all celery before, but you
make me think so differently!” and you suddenly get like a million
times hotter. Plus it’s real easy to hide a cheeseburger in your coat.
They’ll never know.
Don’t wear this shirt:
if you think it makes you a wild creature and somehow gives you the
right to go to a website we are joking around with and start posting
“w00t ownz u” and “u suxorz n ihop u die”. We appreciate the brand
loyalty but please, be nice to our interneighbors. And IHOP.
This shirt tells the world:
“I can tell by your eyes. You saw this shirt and you’re assuming I can
transform. I understand why you’d think that. But it isn’t true.”
We call this color:
Bad Bad T-Shirt Brown, Baddest Shirt In The Whole Dang Town, But That’s
Not Old King Kong, That’s Just Some Other Public Domain Gorilla
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