As war rages across the buffet table, Tortilla’s finest strike back!

As Salsalist forces try to tighten their grip on the throats of liberty, a family size battalion strikes back. That’s right: over one pound of the saltiest, crunchiest chips, strips, and scoops Mother Tostito has born and bred are taking back every bowl and appetizer plate this side of the stove. Give ‘em hell, boys!

It’s tough going, to be sure, but in the end our boys fight for what’s right: liberty, justice, and equality for all! Those picante panzers don’t stand a chance against the free hearts and can-do spirit of our salted soldiers. And look here! Our friends from across the pond, the Frito boys, have heard the din raised by our honorable fight and answered the call! Chili cheese! BBQ! There’s room for one and all in this fight!

Remember, our boys need your help too! Ration all corn. It’s the only way to keep our soldiers in the fight! Avoid talking about the location of snacks. You never know who may be listening. And above all else: buy snack bonds!

Until we meet again: fight onward!

Wear this shirt: On an ocean steamer bound for glory halfway around the world.

Don’t wear this shirt: Around the chips and dip. People are going to assume you’re some sort of authority figure and start asking uncomfortable questions.

This shirt tells the world: “Went the Dip Well?”

We call this color: Roasted Red Pepper Menace

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