3rd place in Derby #137: Luck, with 739 votes!

I’ve been sounding the alarm for years: please, people, stop idolizing, romanticizing, and anthropomorphizing stars. They’re pitiless balls of flaming gas who would incinerate your entire species without a second thought. Or even a first thought. Giving them cute little faces? Singing them cute little songs? Using their name to honor the best cute little athletes? It’s a recipe for planetary suicide.

Stars may be necessary, but we must never relax our vigilance against them. They have their place, and it’s at least a few light years away. And whatever you do, never trust one with your social security number or Woot login info. Proxima Centauri is such a hotbed of identity theft, we won’t even ship there.

Wear this shirt: to share a hearty chuckle about the agonizing deaths of millions of living creatures.

Don’t wear this shirt: to the Cretaceous Period. Spoilers!!!

This shirt tells the world: “Live by the twinkle, die by the twinkle.”

We call this color: Blaxtinction.

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