Swallows like us weren’t made just to be tattoo flash, you know.

We’re a noble, diverse group of birds. Like the British Empire, we’ve colonized every inhabited continent. We communicate with a range of expressive and distinctive calls, but it’s not all song and dance. We’re also ideally built for hunting insects while in flight – hell, we move faster when we’re foraging for bugs than most animals do when they’re fleeing in terror.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re flattered and everything, really. But if you think we’re just here to adorn college girls’ shoulder blades, well, you better hope you’re not reincarnated as a moth or something. You’d see what we’re really capable of – not that you’d have much time to think about it.

Wear this shirt: because have you ever gotten a tattoo? It really hurts.

Don’t wear this shirt: without a bib while you’re eating insects. Mosquito smears just don’t come out.

This shirt tells the world: “Birds and shapes, man. Good enough for me in preschool, good enough for me today. Birds and shapes.”

We call this color: Eugene Bullard, Black Swallow of Death.

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