You guys are just being jerks anyway.

I swear, a guy says ONE embarrassing thing and it makes its way across the whole rebellion. You know, it’s not like I even said something DUMB. It really WAS a trap. I stand by it. If you idiots want to make a bunch of stupid videos and try to make me look bad that’s not my fault.

I’m an ADMIRAL for cryin’ out loud. I don’t have to take this kind of grief! You, Red 38, you’re cleaning latrines for the foreseeable future. That was an ORDER, son. You want to make an ass of me? Then an ass I shall be. From now on it’s no more Mr. Nice Calamari. I’m canceling movie night in the commissary too. Nope, you guys already have more than enough free time if you’re able to come up with so many “witty” jokes and videos of me calling stupid things traps. You can spend that extra time training for all I care.

You know what the worst part is? Should we ever fall into a tr- misdirection of some kind in the heat of battle there will be that split second of hesitation on my part. I might think twice before warning everyone that it is indeed a tra- an ambush, and that could get good pilots killed! I hope you’re happy with yourselves.

Now someone get me a foam-covered iced coffee!

“You mean a frappe?”

DAMMIT THAT’S NOT EVEN HOW YOU PRONOUNCE THAT WORD!

Wear this shirt: While scanning sector 47 for enemy cheese.

Don’t wear this shirt: On Endor. That place is FILTHY.

This shirt tells the world: “Get it? It’s LITERALLY a trap! Get it? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE I REMEMBER THE MOVIE.”

We call this color: It’s a Heather Gray! No, wait. That didn’t even make sense.

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