Yeah, because Australia really needed one more dangerous thing.
1st place in Derby #126: Events of 2009 Illustrated, with 661 votes!
You know how many things can kill you in Australia? You can’t even count that high, man. Ants, spiders, snails, octopi, jellyfish, snakes, the list goes on and on. And now you’ve got to worry about the air. The very air you breathe will suffocate you in a horrible dust storm if you’re not careful.
This should be a cue that Australia doesn’t want you.
Why do you people insist on living in that upside down deathtrap down under? There are perfectly good tracts of land barely being used in Wyoming. It’s just as hot in the summer. And the worst thing you have to worry about is rattlesnakes, but you know what? Rattlesnakes warn you. They’re the courteous rogues of the animal kingdom, each shake of their tail says, “Look, I don’t want to hurt anybody, but I will, so kindly back away sir. Thank you.” Do you know that Funnel Web Spiders in Australia will often attack on sight?! You might not even be thinking of smashing a bug but this no good dirty bastard is going to fling itself at you with giant, chitinous fangs ready to puncture even a leather boot in its quest to murder the crap out of you. When your can of Raid works better as a projectile than a bug spray, that’s a serious problem.
So now while the denizens of Australia are busy shrieking and running out of their still-burning houses in an attempt to escape, they have to worry about asthma attacks and respiratory failure. This continent wants you dead, Australians. Since our first recommendation of “pointing every gun in Australia directly at the ground and firing until all the bullets are gone” isn’t being taken seriously enough, we’re going to have to recommend fleeing. Yes, in terror. Just make sure none of those minions of hell gets on board your plane.
Next stop, Wyoming!
Wear this shirt: To impress yourself with your sly nod to world events. No one else is really going to get it.
Don’t wear this shirt: In a dust storm. Take it off and wrap it over your mouth and nose.
This shirt tells the world: Those Mad Max movies were as informative as they were entertaining.
We call this color: Threat Level Orange
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