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Never Give a Narwhal a Library Card

by MJ

$19.00 + free shipping
Baby Blue
Tee
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Oct 20 - Oct 22
  • Express - Estimated delivery Oct 19
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Aquatic Threats

What is it about the Narwhal that gets people so excited?

Seriously, I was over at a friend’s house the other day and I told her I was writing up a shirt that just happened to have a narwhal on it. I thought my ears were going to burst, she squealed so much. And then she was all like “What’s the narwhal doing on the print? Is he frolicking merrily among with others of his kind in a magical underwater play land of wonders?”

“Nah,” I answered. “Nothing like that.”

“Can you tell me? Please oh please oh please, tell me. I love narwhals so very very much, from the bottom of its caudal fin to the tippy top of his tusk. If you tell me, I’ll tell my Nutty For Narwhal Club! We’ll buy tons of them! And we’ll even wear them to our annual Monodon-Con! Please! I need to know or my mind will explode with anticipation!”

She was shaking at this point, all red-faced with eyes bulging out of her skull and seething through clenched teeth. “Uh, it’s not a big deal, dude,” I told her. “Why not just wait until the shirt goes up on the site? It’ll be a surprise.”

I still don’t know how I ended up against the wall so fast, let alone where she got the knife from. But suddenly, there I was, blade at my neck and a woman I thought I knew now in the midst of Narwhal Madness. “Don’t play games with me, you wretch. I asked a simple question and I think I deserve a simple answer with none of your lip. Bladey McStabberson agrees with me, don’t you?” She brought the knife closer to my throat. “See that? He totally agrees.”

“DUDE! Just… just calm down. Just put the knife down and let’s talk. It’s only a shirt, alriGAAAAAAAHHHH!” My left arm exploded in pain as she jabbed the knife into it. Then, with her free hand, she grabbed my hair and slammed the back of my head into the plaster behind me. Through tears, I gazed at her in utter disbelief. “W-w-why are you doing this?!”

“Here’s a better question: WHY WON’T YOU JUST ANSWER ME?”

“Please… I… I don’t want to die. It’s just a studious narwhal reading a book with several others run through on its horn. That’s… all it is.”

REALLY?!” She withdrew the blade from my arm and dropped it to the floor. She began clapping her hands and giggling with maniacal glee. “That’s about the cutest thing ever! O! M! G!” Her eyes reeled in her head as pure elation swept over her. Seeing my opportunity to escape, I knocked her to the ground with every ounce of strength I could muster and headed for the door.

I could hear her yelling from the house as I fled, clutching my bloody arm against me. “DON’T YOU SCREW THIS UP, PILOT! IF YOU DON’T GIVE THE MAJESTIC UNICORN OF THE SEA ITS PROPER DUE, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! DO YOU HEAR ME, WRITER MONKEY?! I WILL FIND YOU AND RAIN DOWN THE FURY OF A THOUSAND DEMONS TO TEAR YOUR SOUL TO SHREDS!

If I am dead by the time this sale ends, tell my wife I love her.

Wear this shirt: while swimming in the ocean. Also, while battling polar bears or Cthulu.

Don’t wear this shirt: unless you are causing a commotion.

This shirt tells the world: “Hooked on Monodon monoceros worked for me!”

We call this color: Baby Blue Beluga (which is in the same family so it totally counts)

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Features

Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Specs

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 6.000s
First Sucker:
rangerrock
Last Wooter to Woot:
anikak03

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 15% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 4% one month old
  • 25% one year old
  • 55% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

8%
3%
1%
1%
1%
1%
2%
6%
6%
6%
6%
6%
5%
3%
8%
5%
4%
3%
3%
4%
4%
5%
4%
4%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

4%
3%
5%
80%
3%
2%
3%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

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Never Give a Narwhal a Library Card by MJ
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.