1st place in Derby #141: Classic Comics Style, with 797 votes!

Got your tickets to the Air Gun Show?

Alright, everybody: Arms in the air! All of them!

You see these? These ain’t toys. These will blow the heck out of anything or anybody that gets in my way. All I came here for was the kelp, see? The sand dollars, get me? And you’d be wise not to try to be a hero. Because I’m packin’ an octet of these here bubble guns, and I’m deadly with any one of them.

Especially this one, which I call ‘Big Bubbles.’ And if ‘Big Bubbles’ misses, then this one won’t. I call it ‘the Blowfish.’ But if that one misses too, then this one won’t. I call this one ‘Cyndi.’ But if all three of those miss, this one, which I call ‘Hammerhead,’ won’t. But in the extremely unlikely event that those four all miss, then this one definitely won’t. I haven’t named this one. But I have named this one! I call it ‘the Embolism-Maker.’ It’s actually fairly likely to miss. But that doesn’t matter, because it’s backed up by this one, ‘the Law of the Sea!’ And if that one, as well as the six that went before it, I still have one more shot at you with this one, which I call ‘Murphy,’ after a pet sea turtle I had as a kid.

So don’t move! Because when you move, I get nervous! And I’ve got eight itchy trigger tentacles!

What? Crabs? What do you—

No, tentacles. I said I have itchy tentacles.

Wear this shirt: as a proud member of the cephalopod squad

Don’t wear this shirt: to church. It’s not that kind of pew.

This shirt tells the world: “I have come here to shoot bubble guns and kick ass.”

We call this color: Royal Blue Pew Pew

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