2nd place in Derby #139: Madness, with 856 votes!

I’m going to go ahead and prescribe you something for your depression, Mary. Take one of these Imipramine with food each morning and one again without food before bed, okay? It’ll take a few weeks for the drug to cycle through your system but you should see an improvement in your mood shortly thereafter.

Now, this stuff has been known to cause restlessness, so I’m going to prescribe clonazepam for you to take each night to help you fall asleep. Just take it right after you take the anti-depressant, okay? You should be good to go with that, then.

Oh, unless the clonazepam gives you headaches. That can happen sometimes. As a precaution, I’m going to put you on some Hydrocodone. Only take these on a full stomach and when your headache is severe, okay?

Shoot. You know what? Hydrocodone can really make patients nauseated. Hmm? No, it’s nauseated. Yeah, I know, everyone says nauseous, and everyone’s wrong; trust me. Anyway, I’m going to put you on Reglan. You should take it about 15 minutes BEFORE you take the Hydros, okay?

Now that I think of it, that Reglan can really make you drowsy. I’m going to get you on some Modafinil right away. But now you should be all better, and that’s all it took! Western medicine is amazing!

Wear this shirt: To your therapy session. It’ll help start some conversation.

Don’t wear this shirt: When you’re picking up your secobarbital. That lady at Walgreen’s doesn’t have a sense of humor about these sorts of things.

This shirt tells the world: “I really need one of those daily pill organizer thingies.”

We call this color: Group Therapy Grass

Back to top