A good sitcom is like an equation. It’s just about manipulating variables.

It’s not hard when you see it in action. First you figure out some constants like “s” and “l” and “r” and “p” across the hall. Then you set “s” to a few certain behaviors that continue if “s” is not acted upon. Then you move “p” to interact with “s” but in a way that violates the preset variables. Like, if “s” always stays in a primary orbit of watching DW on Saturday morning, and “p” attaches to “s” for help on a Saturday morning, this puts a stress on “s” over time (which can be easily graphed, incidentally) causing him to question the state of his world and reconsider the ranking of important people in his life. If we assume this moves “p” to a higher position than DW due to the DW’s current focus on relationships over unusual aliens, then “s” reaches equilibrium with “p” and “sp” remain at rest in their new level. At this point, introducing “l” with an attractor for “p” can reshape the bond and free “s” to the usual path which has now been devalued in relation to the “sp” bond that has formed, leading “s” to become and remain agitated.

If properly established, and a visiting variable “p2” has been introduced early on (perhaps in an failed attempt to form “lp2” with “l” in a previous experiment) “s” might decide to use “p2” to get back at “lp” in the way Princess Leia kissed Luke Skywalker to upset Han Solo. At this point “sp2” and “lp” could all go to see a movie, where “s” violates expected behavior to arrive in a sub-optimal location because it is close to “p” (causing additional stress on forming of an “sp” bond) while “p2” attempts to break “lp” through the application of pressure, ultimately leading to an awkward “p2lps” which is resolved by an unexpected “r” who believes his popcorn has rum flavoring.

Consequently, “p2” and “r” can form “rp2” and go off with “lp” to make their reservation, leaving “s” with the transferred popcorn, which he eats absentmindedly and with a face of disgust. Then the following morning “lp” can apologize to “s” with an item that appears to be of minimal worth but actually carries great value relative to the desires and interests of “s” and thus a weak “slp” state is recreated, which can be assumed to grow while the experimenter is away in preparation for the new experiment the following week, unless it’s a rerun.

See? They’ve got it down to a science.

Wear this shirt: because your Green Lantern shirt is dirty.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re Zachary Quinto.

This shirt tells the world: “At least it doesn’t say w!=(ℵη)i(ℵG)”

We call this color: Royal Blue Jay. You know, like in S05E09, “The Ornithophobia Diffusion”? Pfft. You don’t know. You don’t know a thing.

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