And as the little boy watched, his toy bear, brought to life by the magic of love, waved good bye and walked into the forest, happy to be real at last. A week and a half later, however…
“Why, if it isn’t the little toy bear I brought to life!” said the good fairy from just above the meadow. “How are you enjoying the magical gift which I bestowed upon you?”
“Gift?” replied the bear. “Are you serious? Do you know what it’s like out here?”
“But,” said the good fairy, “surely the very gift of life itself is-”
“Let me explain something to you, sweetie,” interrupted the bear. “That leisure class fairy tale crap only works when great-granddad paid off the mortgage back before you were born. Out here you gotta hustle for your berries. And there’s a whole pecking order in front of me that doesn’t care about me at all, since I didn’t grow up here. And you know what they’ve all got? Claws. Claws that they’ve been using their whole lives. And since I’ve spent my whole life getting cuddled in a bed at night, claws aren’t really something I’m good with. Not to mention I’m still figuring out the whole eating thing which just started for me last Monday evening. And do you know what bears do in the woods? You didn’t think to mention that during your little magic spell, even in passing? Listen, I know you probably meant well, but I’m not cut out for this. Can’t you just change me back and hand me to some other kid?”
“Well,” the good fairy said sadly, “magic doesn’t really work that way. But I’m ever so sorry!”
“Can I eat sorry, lady?” asked the bear. “Can sorry put a roof over my head? Can sorry tuck me in at night, next to my best friend in the whole world, who by the way I’ll probably never see again, since I’m kind of a wild animal now? Can sorry do that? Because if it can’t, why don’t you just kiss off back to the clouds?”
The good fairy felt her wings droop. She’d clearly not considered the long term responsibility implied in making a toy become real. But then, she brightened. She’d had an idea!
“Mr. Bear!” the good fairy yelled. “I know! Have you ever considered using unorthodox marketing copy designed to simultaneously amuse and attract attention to your strengths?”
Wear this shirt: when you’re hungry with extra love or you’re lonely with extra food. Really, it’s two shirts in one.
Don’t wear this shirt: if people would get offended by your bear chest. Hey, really sorry about that one, guy who hates the stupid puns. It just slipped out.
This shirt tells the world: “We would also like to thank Pierre Benker for kindly granting permission for the use of his image in this design.”
We call this color: Honey With Lemon
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