2nd place in Derby #168: HalloWoot! 2010, with 1150 votes!

Hi there, and welcome to Van Helsing’s Supernatural Superstore! Can I help you find something today? Oh, I see. Vampire problem, huh? What a “pain in the neck”, am I right? AHA HA ha ha heh oh. That was just a little joke, sir. I didn’t mean to make a bad pun at your dead girlfriend’s expense. I do apologize.

So, uh, why don’t we take a look over here, shall we? As you can see, we’ve got all the latest technologies in Vampire Extermination: Stakes, crossbows, wooden bullets, all the usual stuff. What kind of vampire are we talking about here? Older guy? Speaks with a Romanian accent? Dresses like he’s in a bad haunted house? Hmm. Sounds like an old-schooler. Very traditional, but also very VERY crafty. You’ll be lucky to survive a one-on-one encounter. Let’s see what we’ve got in the back.

Ah, here we go! This was just delivered this morning! Feast your eyes on the VH666 Slay-O-Matic Photo Booth! Guaranteed to prey on the vampire’s inflated sense of vanity or your money back. This baby’s equipped with a special high UV flash bulb that’s sure to char the cold lifeless flesh of any naughty Nosferatu. All you have to do is send one of the included postcards to the vampire’s castle or lair as an “invitation” and then sit back and let the VH666 do all the work! Not only will it fry the batty beast, but you’ll have photographic evidence of the extermination afterward. How’s that for peace of mind?

So, what do I have to do to rent one of these bad boys to you today? Delivery’s free, we’ve got a great Halloween sale going on, AND I’ll even knock another fifty bucks off for the awful joke I made previously. Whaddya say?

Wear this shirt: to protect your skin from the sun’s rays.

Don’t wear this shirt: if it clashes with your cape.

This shirt tells the world: “FLASH! AAAARRRRGH!!!” in the voice of Freddie Mercury.

We call this color: The Masque of the Red Shirt

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