1st place in Derby #117: Halloween, with 1522 votes!

Oh, wow, man, those old candy corn movies, like, they’re not just about the scares, man, they’re about the subtext, like, you know, the innner meaning, like, check it out, the one where the candy corn rises from the grave, you know, they’re all blue, which, you know, is like, see, blue candy corn, you know, which comes from Mexico, so, like, it’s about the fear of the outsider taking what’s ours, right, like, a wave of unstoppable terror destroying our way of life and converting it to theirs, you know, and that, like, plays into the idea of what the zeitgeist is, like, all about inside, you know, and so when they, like, freak out and, sort of, like, get scared, it’s because, you know, inside they’re all, if you will, fearing the outsider, you know, that really is the insider they can’t stop, because it’s all about control, like, you know?

Also that scene in the middle where the one orange one got eaten was totally sweet. He was all BLARRRRRGH and it was all GNAAAAR and they were all AAAAAAAA and I think I got it linked if you want to see it. Hey, you like Takashi Miike?

Wear this shirt: wrapped around your head to add an extra layer of protection between the cruel world and your delicious brains. You know how irritating it can be to have to unwrap a burrito when you’re really really hungry? Same principle applies here. At least you can make ‘em suffer a little.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you are a beautiful woman who will be running through the woods in heels. It’s only going to get torn off of you before you succumb toplessly to the onslaught. We know it’s sexist and unfair, but that’s just how the genre works.

This shirt tells the world: “They’re coming to get you, Prof. Hotpants.”

We call this color: Black And White Zombie. Side by side on my piano keyboard. Oh lord. Why can’t we?

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