1st place in Derby #35: Spring!, with 656 votes!
Ah, spring. Nature’s great rebirth. The warm sun, the sound of birds, the tulips rising from the… hey, wait… that’s not a tulip… that’s some kind of… oh, lord… honey, get the kids… no, get the kids… NO STOP ARGUING GET THE KIDS AND GET TO THE CAR! WE CAN BUY ANOTHER BLANKET! NO, NO, NO, LISTEN JUST LEAVE THE… SCREW THE PICNIC BASKET! GET IN THE CAR! GET IN THE CAR! NO, DON’T LOOK AT THEM, HURRY, JUST RUN! RUN! WE HAVE TO… OH, OH GOD, WHY WON’T IT START? WHY WON’T IT START? WHY… WHY CAN’T WE… Why… I just wanted to… honey… honey, I always loved you. I always loved you most of all… I’m so sorry, honey, I’m so so sorry. Goodbye, my love. Goodbye.
Wear this shirt: when you need something to wear after those stupid kids and their meddling dog pull off your costume and reveal your plan to devalue the neighbor’s property by making outside investors think it is haunted thereby paving the way for you to cheaply build your oil well without being forced to pay him an annual stipend. Hey, it happens more often than you’d think.
Don’t wear this shirt: to church on Easter. Sure, it’s TECHNICALLY accurate, but there are some subtle points of faith that it kinda glosses over. The devil is in the details, iIf you’ll pardon the expression.
This shirt tells the world: “I don’t call them ‘April showers’, I call them ‘raaaaaaaaaains’.”
We call this color: Olive The Dead
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