2nd place in Derby #561: Complex Simple Machines!
And now for my opening act!
[Comedian opens beer; laughter]
Just gotta butter up the crowd first.
[Comedian butters toast; laughter]
Get them chirping a little bit.
[Comedian releases 40 doves into theater; laughter]
And remind them to tip their waiters.
[Comedian pushes waiter who falls slowly to the ground; laughter]
Because, once the show starts, I'm going to be slinging fire.
[Comedian shoots fireball; laughter]
Seriously, this material is going to slay.
[Dragon appears on stage; comedian takes out ax, swings it at the dragon; dragon dodges; laughter]
I said, this material is going to SLAY.
[Comedian swings ax again; dragon dodges a second time; laughter]
I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me when I said this material is going to--
[Dragon reaches out and snatches comedian into his mouth; uncomfortable silence as dragon proceeds to eat comedian; when finished, dragon steps to mic]
You know, maney comeeduns say, 'whup is deal wif air-plun fud.' But me say, 'air-plun is fud!'
[Wild laughter and applause]