2nd place in Derby #561: Complex Simple Machines!

And now for my opening act!

[Comedian opens beer; laughter]

Just gotta butter up the crowd first.

[Comedian butters toast; laughter]

Get them chirping a little bit.

[Comedian releases 40 doves into theater; laughter]

And remind them to tip their waiters.

[Comedian pushes waiter who falls slowly to the ground; laughter]

Because, once the show starts, I'm going to be slinging fire.

[Comedian shoots fireball; laughter]

Seriously, this material is going to slay.

[Dragon appears on stage; comedian takes out ax, swings it at the dragon; dragon dodges; laughter]

I said, this material is going to SLAY.

[Comedian swings ax again; dragon dodges a second time; laughter]

I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me when I said this material is going to--

[Dragon reaches out and snatches comedian into his mouth; uncomfortable silence as dragon proceeds to eat comedian; when finished, dragon steps to mic]

You know, maney comeeduns say, 'whup is deal wif air-plun fud.' But me say, 'air-plun is fud!'

[Wild laughter and applause]

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My Opening Act by acraigl
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