First Place in Derby #28 (Quitter!), with 526 votes!

Man, it was gonna be awesome. The way I had it figured, Utensils Etcetera was going to be the biggest knife, fork, and spoon emporium in west-central Hancock County. (No sporks, though – I’ll die before I acknowledge that bastard utensil.) But it was also going to be more than that. It was going to be a place where utensophiles could gather, a safe environment for us to share our enthusiasm and learn from each other. Overnight, Utensils Etcetera would have totally transformed the local utensil scene.

But then things went wrong. You ever seen all the forms you have to fill out to get a small business loan? It would’ve taken hours. Or an hour, at least. So that was the end of that. But it doesn’t matter. I’m dreaming a new dream now. I just bought a bass guitar, because someday – it sounds crazy, but mark my words – I will play bass with Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. As long as I can find somebody to teach me to play it, I will not relent until I land a spot with Paul and the gang. I’m in this for the long haul – until the end of the month, at least.

This shirt was designed by: Shirt.Woot member fablefire, whose determination won her this Derby and #14. Say No To Scurvy, fablefire – but never say die.

Wear this shirt: to the registrar’s office when you withdraw from all your classes.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you finally commit suicide. We can’t afford to get pulled into some kind of Ozzy Osbourne Judas Priest the-devil-made-me-do-it crap.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m probably wearing sweatpants.”

We call this color: Basic Bl

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